My wife just passed away. I was saving towards a 3d printer when my wife passed away suddenly on Thursday at 4:38pm Central US time. She was so fascinated by 3d printers and we would look at my designs, as well as others, and she would ask if ponoko, or shapeways could print it then she would see the different material types and just go gaga over them. She was also the one who gave me some ideas for the models I made, but I am so very sad, angry, etc... (name an emotion and I am having it right now) besides in tears most of the time. I am so sad that she never got the chance to see me with one printing out something for her (my first project was going to be a plastic replacement piece for her GE washing machine that the knob connects to because it has been broken since we had an apartment fire Oct 28, 2006). She turned 51 on Jan 21, 2013 and was dead Feb 7, 2013 from so many issues I am not sure what the death certificate will say was the cause but boy did that woman keep all of her issues to her self and they were not obvious until the last 2 weeks where we thought it was Asthma or just allergies. I am posting this here to her memory as I can never forget her and trust me I am sparing you the ugly images I have of her in her last hour of life as that is my nightmare to carry for the rest of my life knowing she did not know her family was there with her due to being brain dead and on life support. I will tell you she was a strong woman, and a very good woman too, that fought trying to stay alive in that last hour (even the head nurse said she was fighter). We found out, the day of her death, that she was diabetic (396 sugar level the day before, and 408 the day of, her death from some test they gave her that can look back in her past for sugar levels). She had 2 heart attacks (one about a week ago and the second one the day she passed away) had a blood clot that moved to her heart that caused her heart to die slowly, but she never showed any signs of any of this and really only showed signs of shortness of breath like Asthma would cause. I found out that women can have a heart attack and never know it and it is a silent killer of women. She had 195/140 BP when we made it to the hospital and 180-230 bpm at a resting calm state. So, they had to give her all sorts of blood thinners to get those numbers down but they would not budge. They had to EMS her to another hospital and that is the last time I saw my wife awake and speaking. Once they got her to the other hospital they filled her with stents in her arteries and even a balloon because her vessels (they said probably due to the diabetes) were 80% clogged. She then started to show better signs and they waited to see if her heart was able to function on its own because it was at 10% capacity when it should have been 60%. They gave her heart a sonogram and saw the blood clot but because of the blood thinners they HAD to give to her it dislodged and went directly to the brain steam where she was instantly brain dead. At this moment they let us watch as they tore into her trying to get some response but there was none (these are part of the graphic images that no Hollywood horror story could match). At that moment they ushered us out and she passed away but all of the doctors and nurses were giving her strong heart drugs and CPR and all sorts of other things (including a pace maker) to try and start the heart but she was gone. The doctor said that even if they had saved her she would not be the woman we knew (basically a vegetable) and she would not have wanted that at all. I will get the 3d printer as fast as I can now as a way to say 'look honey I finally got one and check it out', but I am moving away from here because of the memories we had though only for a little over 5 years. Let this be a lesson to all of us to cherish every moment with someone you love because they can be taken away in less time than it takes for a heartbeat to happen. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,183641#msg-183641 Tue, 14 Apr 2026 18:27:57 -0400 Phorum 5.2.23 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,309203#msg-309203 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,309203#msg-309203
Not a platitude, just an observation that people open to love and the pain of loss are more alive than those that close themselves in case they get hurt.

It's a begger of a pain, but I would say it was part of what made you, you, and why your wife loved you.

'Nuff said.]]> mrsbruce General Mon, 10 Feb 2014 17:31:43 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308309#msg-308309 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308309#msg-308309 Keep strong and cherish the memories that you have of her.]]> regpye General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 19:42:29 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308298#msg-308298 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308298#msg-308298 And do what she would like you to be doing.
Help kids building their own reprap could be a starting point.

A pat on your back from Italy,
Davide Ardizzoia]]> 3ntrlab General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 18:51:55 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308208#msg-308208 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308208#msg-308208
Quote
jpan
It might be a little bit late, but I still want to say that I'm so sorry. I am not a native english speaker, and have read your story hardly, but I can imagine your feeling.
I can tell you the stuff I saw has forever scarred me. If I had the money I would gladly take electro shock therapy or a labotomy to help forget.]]> Dark Alchemist General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 15:15:22 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308193#msg-308193 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308193#msg-308193 jpan General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 14:20:09 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308142#msg-308142 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308142#msg-308142
Quote
dan11
This thread made me go find my wife and give her a hug. Both of our thoughts go out to you. Sorry for your loss. :(
I just wish I had done more of that during our time together.

Thank you both for your kind thoughts.]]> Dark Alchemist General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 11:24:52 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308138#msg-308138 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308138#msg-308138 dan11 General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 11:21:31 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308120#msg-308120 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308120#msg-308120
Quote
myearwood
I'm very sorry to hear that. I wish there was something I could do or say to help.
Thank you. I have used this printer as an escapism to keep my mind busy. So, basically, therapy as it were but not even it can help in certain aspects it just keeps me from over dwelling on things.]]> Dark Alchemist General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 10:19:23 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308110#msg-308110 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,308110#msg-308110 myearwood General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 10:08:13 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,307972#msg-307972 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,307972#msg-307972
First real print will be the vase and the flower to put up on the memorial desk I have for her already.

Just thought I would let people know how its going with me and to say thanks to everyone.]]> Dark Alchemist General Sat, 08 Feb 2014 05:13:26 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188864#msg-188864 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188864#msg-188864 -------------------------------------------------------
> I am very sorry to read about your loss. Please
> accept my condolences.
Thank you my friend.]]> Dark Alchemist General Sat, 02 Mar 2013 03:13:56 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188863#msg-188863 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188863#msg-188863 Dark Alchemist General Sat, 02 Mar 2013 03:12:45 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188822#msg-188822 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188822#msg-188822
Don't be angry, that doesn't help you.

Good stuff you're getting into. Move Humanity in positive directions and share your kindness.

That is what I mean by "grow".]]> Tekwizard General Fri, 01 Mar 2013 22:50:49 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188821#msg-188821 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188821#msg-188821 -------------------------------------------------------
> To grow how?
>
> btw, some troll JA got on my nerves last night so
> I ran something up on youtube. I hope to be doing
> a few things by summer with the channel but you
> can have a listen and looksee at what I felt had
> to be said.
> [www.youtube.com] I
> only hope I get to do what I mentioned on the
> video as I really want to help something

Emotionally
Spiritually (not religion).

Never mind Trolls, and don't piss away your energy on Youtube revenge.

You have a chance to move forward, take it...]]> Tekwizard General Fri, 01 Mar 2013 22:30:16 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188680#msg-188680 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188680#msg-188680
btw, some troll JA got on my nerves last night so I ran something up on youtube. I hope to be doing a few things by summer with the channel but you can have a listen and looksee at what I felt had to be said. [www.youtube.com] I only hope I get to do what I mentioned on the video as I really want to help something.]]> Dark Alchemist General Fri, 01 Mar 2013 09:31:27 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188669#msg-188669 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188669#msg-188669 -------------------------------------------------------
> What I wonder is if the cat we both love/loved was
> there in reality or was it just a phantom? I know
> our cat was asleep in reality for all I know he
> was where I was BUT I will tell you this and that
> is I did not sense my wife's presence here until
> about 2 weeks had passed and I felt her. Now
> people will say that was just nonsense or whatever
> here is the thing. Our cat has not come back into
> this room since I felt her. He is terrified of
> this room to the point of pushing away from me
> when I would try to bring him in here yet he
> always slept in his 'bed bed' before that night.
> He is getting a little better now but he still
> does not like this room.

Cats are ethereal. So are dogs, but in a different way.

Your wife is probably very busy right now, and will get back to you later. (although time is only relative to you). Don't fret this, she doesn't view your grief the way you do at this moment. She is not devestated by her passing, not the way you are...

You have an opportunity to grow, take it....]]> Tekwizard General Fri, 01 Mar 2013 09:01:33 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188422#msg-188422 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188422#msg-188422 peddiparth General Thu, 28 Feb 2013 13:40:29 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188410#msg-188410 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188410#msg-188410 Dark Alchemist General Thu, 28 Feb 2013 13:16:01 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188404#msg-188404 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188404#msg-188404
You have been handed a spiritual gift, a chance to evolve to a higher state of consciousness. It comes in a painful way, but that is necessary if you are to awaken. You have the choice of whether or not to embrace or ignore the gift.

If you are openminded, then really check out some of Eckhart Tolle's videos on YouTube. He's much better at explaining this than I am.

Jon]]> Tekwizard General Thu, 28 Feb 2013 13:06:25 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188308#msg-188308 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188308#msg-188308 Dark Alchemist General Thu, 28 Feb 2013 07:31:56 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188241#msg-188241 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188241#msg-188241 -------------------------------------------------------
> Are you alright?
>
> Deb got herself checked out and it was just
> stress.
>
> Take care of yourself, that is what is important,
> otherwise it was all just wasted time.
>
> If you're open minded and want a clearer answer,
> check out Eckhart Tolle on youtube. (He wrote some
> good books too)
> It's not about religion, just life...
I am happy it was only stress but she had better get that under control because stress leads to all sorts of bad things even after the stress is gone. My wife never had allergies until she had the stress (before we met) take full control of her. She conquered it but the deed was done and she forever more had allergies that she never ever had before. This is part of why we didn't think anything was wrong with her just seasonal allergies that were turning into Asthma so we tried to control that but instead we now know what happened.

Everything is connected and everything we do, or do not do, leads to different paths we walk, or will walk, but you WILL travel down the path. I firmly believe in Quantum theories.

As far as 'the dream' I wrote it down so as not to forget it because parts are already cloudy (this happened about a week or so ago).

Quote

I have had no real time to sit back and dwell on this but I am not going to lie and say I haven't cried like a little baby either. I slept for 14 hours about a week ago (I needed it but it was not a restful sleep) and had a tremendous amount of dreams. Dreams that when I woke from them it was obvious my subconscious mind is/was trying to come to grips with my wife's passing. One I remember vividly and was the one that started a whole chain of them.

I was being nurtured and shown around a beautiful place and the woman (She looked like Amy Winehouse and why her I have absolutely no idea since I was never into her when she was alive and only heard of her a couple of times when she was) was caressing me but not as a lover but something different. I was happy and we did talk but not really verbally about my wife and this place though I never saw her (my wife).

Odd thing is this place was sort of like a HUGE castle but in building form not in stone/brick but of huge wooden planks and the lower sections were slanted (like a logarithmic curve) but if you walked, as I did, on the edge before the curve of the slant down began the other side would come up on you like a seesaw. Curled up on the lower section was our cat who is still alive and he showed no fear while I was starting to get a little afraid when I noticed the great void/ocean type of deal under him. I was told there was nothing to fear and we moved on and she showed me more of this place when straw all around my arm and she caressed it.

We sat on what looked like a bed and I seemed to be getting tired but I was getting aroused by this wonderfully sweet guide (sort of like people feel with doctors or nurses) and I was saying no, I will not cheat on my wife as that is not something I ever did, nor ever would do, but she was there to guide me and comfort me not for anything else so I rested in the bed (same side I normally sleep on in any bed) and she remained comforting me. I can say I had a lot of emotions in this 'dream' (just about every single one, except anger, you can think of) and I woke up shortly after in my own bed.

I had another one where we talked about my wife and even more dealing with the passing of my wife but only that first one remains with me.

Were all of these just dreams to help me cope? I really really really do not know but the emotions were there for sure and I have been very calm since.]]> Dark Alchemist General Thu, 28 Feb 2013 01:03:53 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188233#msg-188233 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188233#msg-188233

> If you want to hear of the dream I had I am more
> than happy to tell it and maybe you can make sense
> of it but since that 'dream' I have had the utmost
> calm about me when dealing with my wife and most
> everything else.
>
> Now, I feel empty and I am in my one year mourning
> period but to be honest I don't want to love
> anything again because, and I told this to my
> wife, everything I love dies before it should. I
> once told her I bet she dies before here time
> because I loved her. 5 to years later BOOM. I
> mean everything I love from the animals on the
> Earth to people they all just die on me.


> Like I said thank you one and all and within the
> next month, or so, I will be calling on you guys
> to help me with my printer. Idolcrasher,
> graciously, offered to print the parts for me so
> maybe he knows which model etc... but I will deal
> with that once I get settled in because right now
> this house is in a shambles and I threw everything
> away I owned if it was older that 1995. That was
> my past and I have no past nor future only the
> here an now.

Share your dream with us, I for one would like to hear it. Dreams are how we get information that thought cannot comprehend.

Everything dies whether you love it or not. It is simply change, and happens so that space is made available for something new. The more you dwell on the idea that you cause it by loving, the more you will manifest that scenario.

Life only happens "now". It cannot exist in the past or the future, and those concepts are only fabrications of our minds, so be grateful that you see that. Live and enjoy your life now, and don't worry about the past or the future.

Jon]]> Tekwizard General Thu, 28 Feb 2013 00:07:03 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188221#msg-188221 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188221#msg-188221
If you want to hear of the dream I had I am more than happy to tell it and maybe you can make sense of it but since that 'dream' I have had the utmost calm about me when dealing with my wife and most everything else.

Now, I feel empty and I am in my one year mourning period but to be honest I don't want to love anything again because, and I told this to my wife, everything I love dies before it should. I once told her I bet she dies before her time because I loved her. 5 to 10 years later BOOM. I mean everything I love from the animals on the Earth to people they all just die on me.

All of this govt red tape I am having to go through is stupid too and makes me so mad.

Like I said thank you one and all and within the next month, or so, I will be calling on you guys to help me with my printer. Idolcrasher, graciously, offered to print the parts for me so maybe he knows which model etc... but I will deal with that once I get settled in because right now this house is in a shambles and I threw everything away I owned if it was older that 1995. That was my past and I have no past nor future only the here an now.]]> Dark Alchemist General Wed, 27 Feb 2013 23:04:51 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188136#msg-188136 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188136#msg-188136 > Life is the most wonderful, horrible, beautiful,
> ugly, heartbreaking, joyous thing we'll ever know.

Are you serious?]]> Tekwizard General Wed, 27 Feb 2013 15:36:17 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188130#msg-188130 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188130#msg-188130
Life is the most wonderful, horrible, beautiful, ugly, heartbreaking, joyous thing we'll ever know. Your wife believed in you, and still does. She couldn't wait to see your RepRap, which is soon coming! I hope you have wonderful people in your life to help you through this terrible, terrible time. You are part of a community here, us RepRappers by nature are there for other RepRappers, we couldn't do any of this without each other! In time, you will find peace once again.]]> Vortex87 General Wed, 27 Feb 2013 15:29:29 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188119#msg-188119 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,188119#msg-188119
Deb got herself checked out and it was just stress.

Take care of yourself, that is what is important, otherwise it was all just wasted time.

If you're open minded and want a clearer answer, check out Eckhart Tolle on youtube. (He wrote some good books too)
It's not about religion, just life...]]> Tekwizard General Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:46:51 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,185043#msg-185043 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,185043#msg-185043
My fear is that one of these cats that we both love will get sick and die. That is not something I could take so close to my wife's passing.

Oh, for what it is worth, I now have the official death certificate.

Immediate cause of death was Cardiogenic Shock...Interval before death...hours.
Underlying cause Anterior Myocardial Infarction...Interval before death...days.
Underlying cause Uncontrolled Diabetes...Interval before death...years.

So, there you have it. #1 reason was Diabetes that she never ever showed a sign of having but for women it is one of the hidden killers (along with heart attacks) as a woman can walk around not knowing they have any issues.

The Anterior Myocardial Infarction was basically caused by a blood clot they spotted with the sonogram but it was too late and went directly to the brain stem (as the doctor said even if they could have saved her she would not be the same woman we knew which meant a vegetable).

The Cardiogenic Shock is because her heart was at 10% capacity.

Basically the real killer was the blood clot because it not only made her brain dead but the moment it dislodged and hit the stem she was no longer there and pretty much forgot all of the things we take for granted. This is why Alzheimer patients die because that piece of the brain that controls all of the "auto pilot" sub system work just goes poof and you die. Same difference only in my poor wife's situation her impulses to make the body work were severed like pulling the plug out of the wall. Death followed in a few minutes as the family watched. It lasted longer only because they kept artificial means (CPR, pace maker, etc...) of trying to get the heart to stay started but with the brain stem gone, and the weakened 10% heart, nothing could save her.]]> Dark Alchemist General Fri, 15 Feb 2013 19:52:15 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,185039#msg-185039 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,185039#msg-185039 CrazyIdea General Fri, 15 Feb 2013 19:33:40 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,184879#msg-184879 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,184879#msg-184879 Annirak General Fri, 15 Feb 2013 06:55:16 -0500 https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,184784#msg-184784 Re: My wife just passed away. https://reprap.org/forum/read.php?1,183641,184784#msg-184784 fixedtrd General Thu, 14 Feb 2013 20:44:02 -0500