My wife just passed away.

I sure hope it does as my wife was always giving medical tips and help as she went to nursing school but never finished eons ago.

My story of my wife is a testament of how different our medical systems are and I am going to get a little political here but the Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obamacare) is not going to help the average US citizen and, as a matter of fact, is going to end up hurting us as the devil in all of the details is finally coming out from CBO.

Basically if you can't afford insurance and go to the ER like we did you will find you are 100-200k in debt instantly. In this state I am responsible for that debt along with her but she is now passed so it is all on me. Most jobs pay minimum wage and/or give < 30 hours per week (or about to) thanks to the AFHCA so we not only suffer the loss of our most beloved ones we get the added insult of having our credit ruined (mine had 1 year to go to be pristine) and the creditors hounding us.

Let her read my story and tell her to please go and I don't know her but please before you lose her like I lost my wife.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

I am so sorry for your loss

Don't give up on the hobby. I would be happy to send you printed parts and any advice you need when the time is right for you to get back to building.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

Idolcrasher Wrote:
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> I am so sorry for your loss
>
> Don't give up on the hobby. I would be happy to
> send you printed parts and any advice you need
> when the time is right for you to get back to
> building.

I want to for her but then I just want to crawl in a hole and die at the same time. I will remember your offer and in a few months hit you up as I really want one just to print her a vase or something really cool, you know?

Thank you for the kind thoughts, words and offer.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

Our medicare system was set up years ago when things were much different that they are today. I doubt we'd have it if they tried to set it up now, so I can imagine the difficulty your governments are having. The baby boomer generation is all getting old and the country has a lot of immigrants now who came with a lot of existing medical problems that were not covered in their home countries, and the system cannot support itself. We have been concerned for years that it will not be around when our generation really needs it, even though we've been paying for it all of our lives. Many medical services our parents enjoyed are now considered optional, and we have to pay for them. Much of this has been caused over the years by abuse of the system, and the way it is set up. But, if you are feeling ill you are covered to go see a doctor. If the doctor find something wrong with you, further tests are covered as needed, and if if required, so is hospital care. Things like physiotherapy if you need it is not covered. I dislocated my shoulder a few years back and had to go to the hospital. I had to pay for the ambulance months later. The hospital visit was covered, and so would have been any followup visits but since I couldn't afford $120 to go to physio every week, I never went back, and I live with a bad shoulder. Every year they cut back more and more. The premiums we are also forced to pay are high. I'm self employed, so I am forced to pay $140.00 every month, whether I want to or not. (They add it to our taxes). When I was 20, it was about $14.00. She is also self employed, so she too has to pay $140.00 every month, so between us we pay $280.00 a month. Since we have to pay, it seems to be reckless not to use the system at her age, at least for the the things they are good at like tests and examinations.

The reason I've told you all this is because I don't want you to think that we have it better than you up here, and then be angry at your own goverment - it's not good to turn your anger outward looking for answers. We are forced to pay medical insurance, and that is a mixed blessing. Because everyone is forced, the cost is spread out, but then again poor people are able to get 200k medical care if they need it.

The sad thing is there is also a great deterent these days about going to a doctor for trivial things, and people like my wife don't want to "bother them" and end up self diagnosing themselves.

I emailed her your post, and hopefully she'll read it tonight.

Hope you're doing better today,

Jon

people like my wife don't want to "bother them" and end up self diagnosing themselves.

There you go that is part of what was going on with my wife.

I am mad at my govt but I was before my wife died and I am mad because the bum on the street and the CEO should both have the same when it comes to medicine as I am a firm believer that wealth should not dictate your status in life.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

Dark Alchemist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> people like my wife don't want to "bother them"
> and end up self diagnosing themselves.
>
> There you go that is part of what was going on
> with my wife.
>
> I am mad at my govt but I was before my wife died
> and I am mad because the bum on the street and the
> CEO should both have the same when it comes to
> medicine as I am a firm believer that wealth
> should not dictate your status in life.
Agreed.

But hang in there man, focus on the positives, and never stress over the what-ifs. Only worry about what is. Keep your chin up brother!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2013 01:45AM by xclusive585.

Very sorry to hear of your loss DA. My thoughts are with you.

It has now been one whole complete week since she passed away and I was watching the clock all day remembering what was happening per tick and when 4:38pm came I cried. I can't sleep without aid from sleeping pills but I am groggy the next day (in a bit of a fog).

Tekwizard, did she say anything after reading it? I hope she comes to her senses before it is too late.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

She thanked me for my concern, but other than that I haven't heard anything more. That was last night though, and I know that this sort of thing sinks into her after awhile. She's busy with school, but when she stops at night, what she's learned during the day catches up and she thinks about it. At least she's finally found the time and read it.

Let the tears come man, they are natures release valve.

Take them up on the grief councilling too. You are not the first, and you are not alone, and there is a mountain of resourses available to help you understand this, and get you on your path again. I doubt your wife would want you be a double casualty.

Well, I hope your wife does really allow it to sink in because every second she procrastinates is less chance to get the help to save her. Lets hope it is nothing but treat it as if it were everything.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

Sorry to hear of your loss my thoughts are with you.

Sorry to hear of your loss.

DA, I wish you all the strength you may need.

Thank you everyone. I still can't sleep well (probably because I am in here alone and every slight creek or bump wakes me up). My family will be back in the morning then the following weekend will be my last weekend here. 16 foot truck with my car in tow and 3 cats that hate the outside screaming at me for 270 miles. Not looking forward to it at all but you gotta do what you gotta do.

My fear is that one of these cats that we both love will get sick and die. That is not something I could take so close to my wife's passing.

Oh, for what it is worth, I now have the official death certificate.

Immediate cause of death was Cardiogenic Shock...Interval before death...hours.
Underlying cause Anterior Myocardial Infarction...Interval before death...days.
Underlying cause Uncontrolled Diabetes...Interval before death...years.

So, there you have it. #1 reason was Diabetes that she never ever showed a sign of having but for women it is one of the hidden killers (along with heart attacks) as a woman can walk around not knowing they have any issues.

The Anterior Myocardial Infarction was basically caused by a blood clot they spotted with the sonogram but it was too late and went directly to the brain stem (as the doctor said even if they could have saved her she would not be the same woman we knew which meant a vegetable).

The Cardiogenic Shock is because her heart was at 10% capacity.

Basically the real killer was the blood clot because it not only made her brain dead but the moment it dislodged and hit the stem she was no longer there and pretty much forgot all of the things we take for granted. This is why Alzheimer patients die because that piece of the brain that controls all of the "auto pilot" sub system work just goes poof and you die. Same difference only in my poor wife's situation her impulses to make the body work were severed like pulling the plug out of the wall. Death followed in a few minutes as the family watched. It lasted longer only because they kept artificial means (CPR, pace maker, etc...) of trying to get the heart to stay started but with the brain stem gone, and the weakened 10% heart, nothing could save her.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

Are you alright?

Deb got herself checked out and it was just stress.

Take care of yourself, that is what is important, otherwise it was all just wasted time.

If you're open minded and want a clearer answer, check out Eckhart Tolle on youtube. (He wrote some good books too)
It's not about religion, just life...

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it only changes form. I will never believe for one second that we are only our physical bodies, never. Right now it must feel like your entire life has been turned upside down. Like everyone else reading this, I'm grasping for some combination of words to help ease your pain...

Life is the most wonderful, horrible, beautiful, ugly, heartbreaking, joyous thing we'll ever know. Your wife believed in you, and still does. She couldn't wait to see your RepRap, which is soon coming! I hope you have wonderful people in your life to help you through this terrible, terrible time. You are part of a community here, us RepRappers by nature are there for other RepRappers, we couldn't do any of this without each other! In time, you will find peace once again.

>
> Life is the most wonderful, horrible, beautiful,
> ugly, heartbreaking, joyous thing we'll ever know.

Are you serious?

I had a vision/dream about a week ago and it calmed me down so much. I am sorry that I treated any of you like an asshole but I felt attacked and attacked back. Be sure I do apologize for all of that.

If you want to hear of the dream I had I am more than happy to tell it and maybe you can make sense of it but since that 'dream' I have had the utmost calm about me when dealing with my wife and most everything else.

Now, I feel empty and I am in my one year mourning period but to be honest I don't want to love anything again because, and I told this to my wife, everything I love dies before it should. I once told her I bet she dies before her time because I loved her. 5 to 10 years later BOOM. I mean everything I love from the animals on the Earth to people they all just die on me.

All of this govt red tape I am having to go through is stupid too and makes me so mad.

Like I said thank you one and all and within the next month, or so, I will be calling on you guys to help me with my printer. Idolcrasher, graciously, offered to print the parts for me so maybe he knows which model etc... but I will deal with that once I get settled in because right now this house is in a shambles and I threw everything away I owned if it was older that 1995. That was my past and I have no past nor future only the here an now.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/28/2013 01:06AM by Dark Alchemist.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

Dark Alchemist Wrote:


> If you want to hear of the dream I had I am more
> than happy to tell it and maybe you can make sense
> of it but since that 'dream' I have had the utmost
> calm about me when dealing with my wife and most
> everything else.
>
> Now, I feel empty and I am in my one year mourning
> period but to be honest I don't want to love
> anything again because, and I told this to my
> wife, everything I love dies before it should. I
> once told her I bet she dies before here time
> because I loved her. 5 to years later BOOM. I
> mean everything I love from the animals on the
> Earth to people they all just die on me.


> Like I said thank you one and all and within the
> next month, or so, I will be calling on you guys
> to help me with my printer. Idolcrasher,
> graciously, offered to print the parts for me so
> maybe he knows which model etc... but I will deal
> with that once I get settled in because right now
> this house is in a shambles and I threw everything
> away I owned if it was older that 1995. That was
> my past and I have no past nor future only the
> here an now.

Share your dream with us, I for one would like to hear it. Dreams are how we get information that thought cannot comprehend.

Everything dies whether you love it or not. It is simply change, and happens so that space is made available for something new. The more you dwell on the idea that you cause it by loving, the more you will manifest that scenario.

Life only happens "now". It cannot exist in the past or the future, and those concepts are only fabrications of our minds, so be grateful that you see that. Live and enjoy your life now, and don't worry about the past or the future.

Jon

Tekwizard Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Are you alright?
>
> Deb got herself checked out and it was just
> stress.
>
> Take care of yourself, that is what is important,
> otherwise it was all just wasted time.
>
> If you're open minded and want a clearer answer,
> check out Eckhart Tolle on youtube. (He wrote some
> good books too)
> It's not about religion, just life...
I am happy it was only stress but she had better get that under control because stress leads to all sorts of bad things even after the stress is gone. My wife never had allergies until she had the stress (before we met) take full control of her. She conquered it but the deed was done and she forever more had allergies that she never ever had before. This is part of why we didn't think anything was wrong with her just seasonal allergies that were turning into Asthma so we tried to control that but instead we now know what happened.

Everything is connected and everything we do, or do not do, leads to different paths we walk, or will walk, but you WILL travel down the path. I firmly believe in Quantum theories.

As far as 'the dream' I wrote it down so as not to forget it because parts are already cloudy (this happened about a week or so ago).

Quote

I have had no real time to sit back and dwell on this but I am not going to lie and say I haven't cried like a little baby either. I slept for 14 hours about a week ago (I needed it but it was not a restful sleep) and had a tremendous amount of dreams. Dreams that when I woke from them it was obvious my subconscious mind is/was trying to come to grips with my wife's passing. One I remember vividly and was the one that started a whole chain of them.

I was being nurtured and shown around a beautiful place and the woman (She looked like Amy Winehouse and why her I have absolutely no idea since I was never into her when she was alive and only heard of her a couple of times when she was) was caressing me but not as a lover but something different. I was happy and we did talk but not really verbally about my wife and this place though I never saw her (my wife).

Odd thing is this place was sort of like a HUGE castle but in building form not in stone/brick but of huge wooden planks and the lower sections were slanted (like a logarithmic curve) but if you walked, as I did, on the edge before the curve of the slant down began the other side would come up on you like a seesaw. Curled up on the lower section was our cat who is still alive and he showed no fear while I was starting to get a little afraid when I noticed the great void/ocean type of deal under him. I was told there was nothing to fear and we moved on and she showed me more of this place when straw all around my arm and she caressed it.

We sat on what looked like a bed and I seemed to be getting tired but I was getting aroused by this wonderfully sweet guide (sort of like people feel with doctors or nurses) and I was saying no, I will not cheat on my wife as that is not something I ever did, nor ever would do, but she was there to guide me and comfort me not for anything else so I rested in the bed (same side I normally sleep on in any bed) and she remained comforting me. I can say I had a lot of emotions in this 'dream' (just about every single one, except anger, you can think of) and I woke up shortly after in my own bed.

I had another one where we talked about my wife and even more dealing with the passing of my wife but only that first one remains with me.

Were all of these just dreams to help me cope? I really really really do not know but the emotions were there for sure and I have been very calm since.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

I see my cut and paste messed up as it is missing the part about the castle dealio having absolutely HUGE trees that were booming over the castle and the lawn was immaculate and ivy type vines were crawling up the castle/house walls. Was very beautiful.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

Spirit communicates to us in ways relative to our ability to grasp. Your dream took you to a realm that you can "get" emotionally. The details about who was in your dream or where it took place don't really matter. It is the message that is important for you as it applies right now. You probably felt emotion to "woman", not specifically to Amy. In this case, woman is comforting you and is actually spirit taking that form.

You have been handed a spiritual gift, a chance to evolve to a higher state of consciousness. It comes in a painful way, but that is necessary if you are to awaken. You have the choice of whether or not to embrace or ignore the gift.

If you are openminded, then really check out some of Eckhart Tolle's videos on YouTube. He's much better at explaining this than I am.

Jon

What I wonder is if the cat we both love/loved was there in reality or was it just a phantom? I know our cat was asleep in reality for all I know he was where I was BUT I will tell you this and that is I did not sense my wife's presence here until about 2 weeks had passed and I felt her. Now people will say that was just nonsense or whatever here is the thing. Our cat has not come back into this room since I felt her. He is terrified of this room to the point of pushing away from me when I would try to bring him in here yet he always slept in his 'bed bed' before that night. He is getting a little better now but he still does not like this room.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

I am very sorry to read about your loss. Please accept my condolences.

Dark Alchemist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What I wonder is if the cat we both love/loved was
> there in reality or was it just a phantom? I know
> our cat was asleep in reality for all I know he
> was where I was BUT I will tell you this and that
> is I did not sense my wife's presence here until
> about 2 weeks had passed and I felt her. Now
> people will say that was just nonsense or whatever
> here is the thing. Our cat has not come back into
> this room since I felt her. He is terrified of
> this room to the point of pushing away from me
> when I would try to bring him in here yet he
> always slept in his 'bed bed' before that night.
> He is getting a little better now but he still
> does not like this room.

Cats are ethereal. So are dogs, but in a different way.

Your wife is probably very busy right now, and will get back to you later. (although time is only relative to you). Don't fret this, she doesn't view your grief the way you do at this moment. She is not devestated by her passing, not the way you are...

You have an opportunity to grow, take it....

To grow how?

btw, some troll JA got on my nerves last night so I ran something up on youtube. I hope to be doing a few things by summer with the channel but you can have a listen and looksee at what I felt had to be said. [www.youtube.com] I only hope I get to do what I mentioned on the video as I really want to help something.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.

Dark Alchemist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> To grow how?
>
> btw, some troll JA got on my nerves last night so
> I ran something up on youtube. I hope to be doing
> a few things by summer with the channel but you
> can have a listen and looksee at what I felt had
> to be said.
> [www.youtube.com] I
> only hope I get to do what I mentioned on the
> video as I really want to help something

Emotionally
Spiritually (not religion).

Never mind Trolls, and don't piss away your energy on Youtube revenge.

You have a chance to move forward, take it...

Just watched your youtube video.

Don't be angry, that doesn't help you.

Good stuff you're getting into. Move Humanity in positive directions and share your kindness.

That is what I mean by "grow".

Yep, this is what I am going to try and do. Just need a 3d printer to start the experiments and a camera.

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I await Skynet and my last vision will be of a RepRap self replicating the robots that is destroying the human race.